Why I Keep Procrastinating (It's Not What You Think)
How I discovered my emotions were making decisions for me (and what I did about it)
This week, I fell down a coaching rabbit hole.
I watched live coaching sessions with Joe Hudson. Read about emotional awareness. Studied how our minds work against us.
What I discovered changed how I see procrastination, decision-making, and performance.
The same pattern kept showing up
People weren't stuck because they didn't know what to do. They weren't stuck because they lacked skills or intelligence.
They were stuck because they wouldn't let themselves feel certain emotions.
Think about it. When was the last time you actually let yourself feel embarrassed? Really feel it, not just think about avoiding it.
Or anger. Or deep sadness.
Most of us learned early that these emotions weren't safe. Maybe nobody taught us how to handle them. Maybe the adults around us couldn't handle them either.
So we developed this habit. Push it down. Distract yourself. Think your way out of it.
Works for a while. Until it doesn't.
Here's what I think happens
Your mind creates elaborate stories. Why you shouldn't take that risk. Why now isn't the right time. Why you need more information.
But really? You're just avoiding the possibility of feeling something uncomfortable.
I've been thinking about my own patterns lately. I procrastinate when I'm afraid of looking stupid. I overthink when I'm scared of being wrong.
My mind tells me I'm being strategic. But I'm just dodging embarrassment.
Funny thing about emotions though.
They don't actually go away when you avoid them. They just... wait.
And while they're waiting, they make decisions for you.
Can't decide because you might feel regret
Won't start because you might feel frustrated
Don't share because you might feel exposed
Your emotions are running the show, but from the shadows.
I don't let myself feel shame, embarrassment and fear completely.
This fear keeps me playing it safe. I make sure I have the right answers before I speak up. Don't expose myself more than I have to.
What this costing me? If I can't feel the emotion fully, I won't take the risks I actually want to take.
There's always an excuse for not going all the way on something that matters.
Maybe you do this too. Maybe you have your own emotion you won't fully feel.
The thing is, we all learned this somewhere. As kids, we figured out which emotions were okay and which weren't.
Nobody taught us that all emotions are just information. That they're temporary. That feeling them completely is actually how they stop controlling us.
Instead, we learned to be afraid of our own emotional experience.
Something I've been practising from my Positive Intelligence training
Instead of thinking my way through problems, I focus on putting attention on my body. Physical sensations..
How heavy does my body feel in this chair?
What do my feet feel like on the floor?
Can I feel the ridges of my fingerprints when I touch my thumb to my finger?
This puts my mind in a state where it observes and feels. It deactivates excessive thinking.
I notice when I let my mind do whatever it wants, I procrastinate and stress myself out.
So it helps me to label what my mind wants to do (like with those saboteurs I wrote about before), then focus on physical sensation instead. I shift from thinking mode to feeling mode.
And when you're actually feeling instead of thinking, emotions can move through you naturally.
They show up, you feel them, they pass.
Instead of getting stuck in your head, creating stories about why you feel the way you feel.
One question that's been useful this week
"How could I make this more enjoyable?"
Not "How do I force myself through this?" or "How do I make this less painful?"
But genuinely, how could I find some pleasure in doing this thing I've been avoiding?
Most of us never ask this. We assume hard things have to feel hard.
But what if they didn't have to?
What I'm discovering
Self-awareness and knowing your emotions is a journey. And it's not just about wellbeing.
When you do this successfully and actually feel, you also increase your performance.
Because emotions that we don't allow ourselves to feel? They still affect our decisions. Our ability to move forward. Our willingness to take risks.
They just do it from the shadows.
I'm still figuring this out. Still catching myself thinking around emotions instead of feeling them.
But I'm starting to see how much energy I was spending avoiding my own emotional experience.
And how that was keeping me stuck in ways I didn't even realize.
What about you? What emotions do you find yourself thinking around instead of feeling?
Talk soon,
Alex